The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi
by Eike
Summary: [DISCONTINUED] Ryuuichi finds himself slightly cursed. It wouldn't even be so bad, if people weren't constantly taking his body parts.
1. Prologue

Hi hi. ^_^ I'm dead tired, but I just wrote this, and I really want to post it. *Cough* This is based on a chat I had with Mirai this morning. It's not coherent, but that's okay too. ^_^ Just enjoy.  
  
And remember that none of these characters are mine, or else I'd be rich and I wouldn't have a crappy connection, and I wouldn't be so low on manga….  
  
Oh, and everybody, feel free to leave me comments and criticism and flames. ^_^ I love praise, I'll take criticism into consideration, and flames are just for my enjoyment.  
  
  
  
1 The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi  
  
By Eike  
  
Prologue  
  
  
  
Ryuuichi was having a bad day. FIRST he got a coffee stain on Kumagorou, then he had missed Shuuichi's practice session, THEN Touma had yelled at him for not finishing the new songs, and now he was caught in the rain without an umbrella. He wearily stumbled forward, hoping to make it home before he caught pneumonia and died.  
  
Of course he couldn't make it home without trouble. He tripped over a black cat, stumbled under a ladder, accidentally broke a woman's hand mirror, and even tripped a shipper loading salt into a truck. Needless to say, the salt spilled all over the streets. All in all, a bad day.  
  
"Are you having a bad day, Nii-san?"  
  
Ryuuichi turned to the speaker. A wrinkly old woman dressed in mysterious clothing, the kind you often saw in gypsy movies. In fact, with that strange glowing ball in her hand, she looked almost exactly like a gypsy. Just not as beautiful as the movie gypsies.  
  
"I've had a very bad day, na no da! Even Kumagorou agrees!" Ryuuichi complained.  
  
The old woman smiled. "Well, I could make it better… for a price…"  
  
Ryuuichi shuddered as the old woman cackled. She sounded scary, na no da!  
  
"I'm okay, na no da. A hot shower will make it all better."  
  
The woman frowned. "It will not. You need my help. I can make it better. Only me." She reached out to touch his arm. Ryuuichi shrieked and jumped back.  
  
"Gyaa, I don't need help from ugly old hags, na no da!"  
  
In hindsight, that was probably not the best thing to say. But she was just really really scary! Especially now that her eyes had acquired an evil glint, and she had a strange blue aura around her, not to mention her little glass ball was crackling with energy.  
  
"… curse you…" she mumbled.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"I place a curse on you!" The old woman slapped an ofuda onto his forehead and started shouting big complicated words he couldn't understand. Ryuu-chan quickly backed away from her, faltering as he stepped onto the street.  
  
Wait. Street? Ryuuichi looked up just as the bus crashed into him.  
  
Pain pain pain pain pain pain PAIN.  
  
… no pain.  
  
Ryuu cautiously opened an eye. Red. Blood. His blood. He nearly threw up when he saw the amount of blood. It must have been his entire life-fluid spilled before his eyes. That did present a problem though. If he had just lost all seven liters of his blood, why was he even conscience? Or alive, for that matter.  
  
He slowly crawled out from underneath the bus. The people gathered there all gasped in surprise.  
  
"He's alive? How?"  
  
"Isn't that Sakuma Ryuuichi?"  
  
"How could he have… what about?"  
  
Ryuuichi stared at them blankly. He didn't quite understand what was going on, but he *did* know that he really wanted to get home. He numbly pushed through the crowd, ignoring their questions. He hugged Kumagorou tighter, wincing as he noticed that his once pink bunny was now dyed red.  
  
----  
  
Ryuuichi sighed as he stepped out of the shower. That really *had* helped. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror. Hmm, he was getting a bit pale…  
  
---  
  
Shuuichi first got tipped off that Something Unusual™ was going on when Sakuma-san skipped in that morning, arms swinging wildly back and forth.  
  
"I'm so happy, na no na no na no na no na no na no da!"  
  
And Sakuma-san's arm went flying across the room.  
  
Shuuichi choked on his drink when the arm landed right next to him.  
  
"Ah, Shuu~ichi, can you hand me that?"  
  
Shuuichi stared.  
  
"Mou, this has been happening so much lately!" Ryuuichi sighed and jogged over. He picked up his limb and re-attached it to his body, flexing the arm to prove it worked again. He flashed a grin to Shuuichi. "Good as new! I'll see you later, Shuu~ichi!"  
  
Shuuichi stared.  
  
Five minutes later, a scream was heard throughout the building.  
  
  
  
  
  
tbc, I promise. ^_^  
  
Notes? Sure, why not. Anybody figured out what happened to Ryuuichi? And who wants to guess what day it was? ^_^  
  
Mirai, I'm sorry if this isn't as hilariously funny as it should be. I'm gonna get to Tatsuha soon! (but Touma first. ^_^)  
  
Oh, and a small question... am I famous yet? 


	2. Chapter 1

^_^ Me again. Weee, the first chapter is all typed up! Aren't I special? *cough* Sariyuki guessed correctly, of course. I'd give you a prize, but I'm too lazy right now. You DO get this cool mention in the author's notes though! And I hope this gets uploaded better than the last one...

****

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi

by Eike

Chapter 1

Ryuuichi had been having the strangest week. After that Friday afternoon, his body parts kept falling off! It got annoying after a while. And why did everybody have to keep screaming? Hadn't they ever seen somebody re-attach their arms before?

Well, no matter! He still had Kumagorou, so everything was fine.

"Ohayou, Touma!" Ryuuichi smiled at his fellow band member. His tongue nearly went flying when he shouted like that, but he managed to clamp his mouth shut in time. It was a good thing too, because his tongue was the hardest part to get back correctly. 

Touma smiled back at him, but it was a forced smile. Ryuuichi wondered if he was also having problems with body parts flying off. That could be one of the reasons he seemed to be in pain...

"I need to have a word with you, Ryuuichi."

Ryuuichi contemplated it (ooh, a big word!), then shook his head. "I'm too busy right now, na no da. Shuuichi's going to play his new song! How about I give you some part of me, and you can talk to that?" Hmm, which part didn't he need? Maybe a toe, or his pinky? His ear would probably work too, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to part with that. 

Touma frowned. "I need to talk with ALL of you, Ryuuichi, not just a body part."

Ryuuichi shrugged. The movement dislodged his right arm, and it fell to the floor with a thud. A look of disdain crossed Touma's face.

"Yes... pick that up and join me in my office."

Ryuuichi nodded sadly. He REALLY wanted to hear Shuuichi's new song! But if Touma wanted something, he usually got it. Ryuu-chan picked up his arm and followed the blond into the office.

Touma was glaring at him from across his desk. Not very nice of him to do, since he was the one that had called him in. He could at least be friendly about it! But the glare finally got to him, and he sunk down into his chair. He clumsily put the arm back where it belonged.

"That's on backwards, Ryuuichi," Touma told him. Ryuuichi glanced at his arm and tried to move it. Sure enough, it bent in the wrong direction. He gave an embarrassed laugh and quickly fixed his mistake.

"Ne, what did you call me for? 'Cus, Shuuichi's new song is really pretty, and I wanted to hear it, and maybe sing with him, and we were going to have lots and lots of fun and you ruined it, na no da!" Ryuuichi gave his cutest pout. It always worked on other people, but not so on Seguchi Touma. He just turned up the "anger" levels on his glare, making Ryuuichi wish he had Kumagorou with him. He had decided to leave the bunny at home from now on because of the many instances where Kumagorou went flying with whatever part had just dislodged himself (more often than not, the arm that had been swinging Kumagorou around). Besides, Kumagorou still hadn't gotten over the shock of losing his wonderful pink color. Even after several baths he had a brownish tint, and it made him sad.

"Now, Ryuuichi, please explain this... act of yours," Touma demanded.

Ryuu-chan blinked a couple of times. "What act?"

Touma sighed. "The one where your body parts are dropping from your body." As if to prove his point, Ryuuichi's foot fell off. Ryuuichi gave a small "oh" before picking up the appendage. His shoe and sock obscured most of it, but he could see parts of the bone sticking out, where the joints were. Shrugging, Ryuuichi put the foot back where it belonged.

There was a silence, interrupted only by a small sniff from Ryuuichi. After this silence continued for at least another five minutes, the pressure got to our poor hero and he started wailing. "I don't know why it's happening! There was this scary old hag last Friday, but all she did was put a sticker on my forehead and say some big words. Then this BIG bus drove over me an' Kumagorou, and Kumagorou turned all red but I was okay, and I had to give him eight baths and he STILL isn't clean, and then the next morning I woke up and I was okay until I tried moving and then my leg came off but I put it back so I'm fine and I don't hurt so everything is okay, na no da!"

It took Touma a while to process everything, but once he did, he grimaced. "This sticker she put on you... was it by any chance a white rectangular one, with some kanji on it?"

Ryuuichi thought for a moment, then shook his head. "It stuck to my forehead! And I only saw that it was glowing red, like she was."

Touma sighed. "I need to look some things up, but I think I've figured out the problem here. You can go... just please keep all your body parts, okay?"

Ryuu-chan nodded and smiled. "I'm going to go watch Shuuichi now! Bai bai, na no da!"

Ryuuichi skipped down the halls, wailing as he tripped when his foot came off again. It was just a minor inconvenience. No big deal.

-tsuzuku-

Ah, I figured out how to get to Tatsuha! BWAHAHHAHAHAH. Poor Ryuu-chan. Poor, poor, Ryuu-chan. *trips over shoes*

Please remember that Eike-chan loves reviews, no matter which kind. I'm currently striving for a big number, like Mirai has. *jealous*


	3. Chapter 2

Hi hi, ya'll. ^_^ I'm gonna write this now, so that Mirai has a lovely surprise when she wakes up. *laughs* Now, we all know that positive feedback can encourage the author, right? And that this author craves any form of feedback, whether good or bad. ^_^ So, don't forget to review.

****

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi

by Eike

Chapter 2

Ryuuichi, loved watching Shuuichi sing. The young star was so vibrant, so beautiful, so shiny! He was the shiniest person he'd ever seen. Well, once he'd seen a person covered in aluminum foil, and that had been pretty shiny, but Shuuichi was shinier. Because his songs were so good, and he sang with such emotion, and...

"Ryuuichi... can you do me a favor?" 

Ryuuichi turned to face K. "What is it, na no da?"

K shouldered his gun and sighed. "I don't know how to put this, but... " K seemed really uncomfortable about whatever he was going to say. Ryuuichi looked up at him with wide eyes. It must be really really important.

"Can you please leave?"

Eh? Ryuuichi's eyes watered. "W-why would you want me gone, na no da?" He chewed on his lower lip, upped the "water" factor of his eyes, and chibi-fied himself just a bit. Nobody could resist him like this.

"Ryuuichi, I know you aren't really crying. I need you to leave because you're scaring Shuuichi. He can't sing anymore. Also, your various body parts are giving off a strange stench."

Ryuuichi started crying for real now. "I scare Shuuichi? B-b-but I love Shuuichi! I want to sing with him and have lots of fun and we're gonna be famous and..."

The gun was now pointed at his forehead. "Leave, now."

Ryuuichi sniffled and nodded, crawling out of the studio. One of his fingers fell off, but that was easily re-attached. His feelings where another matter. 

He continued to crawl through the halls, not really in the mood to get back onto his feet. Besides, there were less chances that some body part would fall off if he didn't move wildly...

Ryuuichi stopped and looked back. One of his feet had come off while he had been crawling. He sighed and turned back, wondering what he had done to deserve this. He was really a nice person, he never did anything to hurt anybody! He was loved, he was famous, he had Kumagorou... so why was he being punished?

"Ah, Ryuu-chan. There you are."

Ryuuichi looked up at Noriko. She smiled down at him, immediately erasing any thoughts of ... what **had** he been thinking of? He shrugged and turned his full attention to her.

"Touma wants to talk to you, Ryuu-chan. Something about curing your... uh... 'ailment.' "

Ailment? What was Touma talking about? He wasn't sick. Well, not that he knew of. Oh god, what if he had one of those diseases that you couldn't find out about unless you took lots and lots of tests (Ryuu-chan was SURE they would be the hard ones with questions he couldn't answer), or you were about to die and all of a sudden you noticed that you had a headache for three days straight and it wasn't just because you were next to the speakers for too long, OR the ones where they asked you to draw pictures and no matter what you did you got it wrong.

But what if it was a different type of ailment? Ryuuichi's eyes lit up. "You mean, Touma found a way to fix Kumagorou's colors?" 

Noriko was developing a twitch in her eye. Maybe SHE had an ailment, and needed to see a doctor. Oh no, what if she had that 'ongoing-twitch-that-never-goes-away' disease? Ryuuichi's eyes started tearing up again. "Noriko, I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!" Ryuuichi jumped up and latched his arms around her neck, openly sobbing into her chest. It just wasn't fair! Why did all his best friends have to die? Well, not that he knew anybody that had died yet, but it still wasn't fair!

"NO! I'm not dying! Touma is talking about THIS!" Noriko yelled. She then proceeded to rip off one of the arms clinging to her.

Ryuuichi blinked for a moment. "That's an ailment? But, it doesn't hurt."

Noriko's twitch was getting worse! She really was going to die!

"Ryuuichi, go see Touma, NOW, before I rip MORE body parts from you. And it won't be pretty!"

Ryuuichi nodded and quickly ran from the room. He had to go back and get his arm from her, bowing sheepishly. She kicked him away from her after that, and he stumbled forward towards Touma's office.

Touma was sitting at his desk, as expected, with a laptop in front of him. He looked up when the door opened, a sad Ryuuichi slinking in.

"Ryuuichi, I've found the cure."

Ryuuichi immediately lit up. "You mean, Noriko doesn't have to die? That's so great!"

That twitch disease must be contagious, because now Touma had it too! Ryuuichi hoped that Touma would tell him the antidote quickly, so he wouldn't ever catch it.

"No, Ryuuichi. This is about you, and the fact that you seem to have turned into a zombie."

A zombie? What was that? But he couldn't ask Touma, Touma would think he wasn't as smart as he let on, which wasn't true, he was REALLY smart, everybody called him a genius. 

Wait, he knew what zombies were! They were those things that the Cyclopes made to protect themselves when they weren't all powered up and junk(1). But then, why...

"But Touma, zombies are cool, na no da!"

Touma let out a sigh and brought a hand to his head. "Ryuuichi, it's only cool in Anime. But, this is scaring all of the workers around here, and nobody can get any work done. You would be the cause of NG Studios losing money. Would you want that?"

The scary glint in Touma's eyes warned Ryuuichi that he desperately needed to answer this correctly. 

"I like NG Studios, na no da! I'll get fixed! ... But, can you find out how to make Kumagorou squeaky clean again?"

"Ryuuichi, please just shut up for a moment and listen. To be cured of a zombie, we need to get the help of a priest. Now, the only priest I know I can trust is Eiri-san's father. So, you'll have to go all the way to Kyoto and beg him to exorcise you, understood?" 

Ryuuichi nodded. "But I don't know where they live."

Another sigh. Ryuuichi wondered if sighs were signs of a deadly disease too. "I'll have Eiri-san take you there. Mika is too busy right now. Besides, it'll get him away from that kid for a while..."

That kid? What kid? Hmm... Oh!

"You mean Shuuichi? I want Shuuichi to come along! I love Shuuichi! Shuuichi is much fun, na no da!" Ryuuichi started hopping up and down excitedly. He was going to go on a trip with Shuuichi! Admittedly, that mean old grump was going to come along too, but he could deal with that. Shuuichi, Shuuichi!

Touma had leapt up from his chair, slamming is hands onto the desk. "Ryuuichi, stop jumping before..."

Ryuuichi's hand went flying, landing right on Touma's face. His excitement faded immediately, replaced by a feeling of dread. Touma was not going to be happy, he wasn't going to be happy, he would KILL him, he might even do something awful like kill Kumagorou! Or change his color to an awful shade of orange!

His hand slammed into his face. Ryuuichi fell backwards, landing with a thunk on the floor. Why was Touma always so mean to him? Couldn't he have given the hand back nicely? Now he had to pick up all his fingers and put them all back together and that would be so HARD when he had only one hand. Ryuuichi sniffled.

"Alright, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Go fix yourself up and get packed for you trip to Kyoto."

Ryuuichi sniffled again and got to work. It was hard, because he couldn't really remember which part went where. It took him several tries to realize that the thickest finger went on the innermost joint, and the smallest one on the outermost. And he still wasn't sure if he had the other three right.

Ryuuichi looked up and saw that Touma had left the office. He slowly headed out too, wondering what the best way was going to be to convince Shuuichi to come along.

-tsuzuku-

(1) I'm using the "3x3 Eyes" zombies here. ^_^ Ryuuichi is not one of those zombies though. ^_^

Okay, no Tatsuha after all. *shrug* He'll get there soon. And no, Ryuuichi doesn't really say that many "na no da"s. I just over exaggerated them. ^_^ And Akari, so what if it's just a tad icky? At least it's not one of those over-used plot devices! I haven't seen a single zombie-Gravi fic yet! (and if I see one in the near future, somebody is going to be in lots of trouble.) ^_^ Don't forget feedback.


	4. Chapter 3

Hi-ho. Me again. This part will probably have multiple spelling mistakes in it, 'cus this new comp is without Microsoft Word, and thus, without a spell check. I'll try to catch as many of them as I can, but there are no guarantees. Also, that means that there's bad formatting. Much of it. -_-

But I promised SAngel that I'd get to work on it, and I'm sure Mirai is dying to see this part. Tatsuha! Who is harder to write than I'd have thought. *Sighs* anyways. On to fic...

Oh, before I forget... *eats all the chocolates* Snkyuu, Sbrnne~ *glares at any who might

have wanted to steal her chocolates*

Notes: Bah, I fixed this up a bit. Stupid, horrendous spelling mistakes.

**The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi**

Chapter 3

by Eike

Ryuuichi stared up at the huuuuuuge temple in front of him. IIt was big. He didn't realize Shuuichi's lover had such a rich family. Well, writing probably WOULD get you a lot of money...

"Oyaji!" that meany called out. He wasn't even nice to his father! Well, as long as he fixed Kumagorou, it wouldn't matter how they treated each other. Although Ryuuichi knew that you were s'posed to honor your elders, and Yuki wasn't even being nice to *him*, and he certainly was older than Yuki, so he deserved some amount of respect instead of being treated like a little kid.

Ryuu-chan fumed for a bit, then turned his attention to Shuuichi. The smaller man seemed slightly nervous, shifting from side to side and eyeing him strangely. He must be nervous. Maybe he hadn't ever met Yuki's family? Maybe they didn't know that they were together and now, all because he had insisted Shuu-chan come along they'd hate the singer and Yuki would break up with him and Shuu would be sad and he wouldn't be able to sing and it'd be all his fault, just because that freaky old hag had changed Kumagorou's colors!

Well, time to cure this! "Shuu-chan, what's wrong, na no da?"

Shuu immediately jumped, startled. "N-nothing. I'm scared of Uesugi-san's reaction..."

Oh no! He had been right! Now he was going to have to commit harikiri or something. That was the most honorable one, right? Or was it seppuku? Maybe even kamikaze? Although, if he did those, would he actually die, or would just some random pieces of him go flying? Hey, he could PRETEND to die, and then come back, 'cus his pieces would fix themselves!

But first, he needed to calm Shuuichi down. He patted him on the back, laughing in embarrassment as his hand flew over his shoulder. He quickly reapplied it before Shuuichi could think too much about it; he was already turning kind of green.

"Don't worry, Shuuichi! Uesugi-san has to be nice, since he's going to fix Kumagorou's colors! No worry at all!" Ryuuichi beamed. The bunny was tucked safely into his backpack, no danger of it getting lost.

"Oy, aniki, what's all that yelling?"

Ryuuichi and Shuuichi both turned to face the speaker. Ryuuichi was about to think it was Yuki, but he saw the blond standing NEXT to the black-haired guy. So, it was Yuki's TWIN. He remembered seeing a picture of him in Touma's apartment.

Yuki was whispering something to his twin. A secret. Ryuuichi HATED secrets. He didn't have any secrets! Secrets always made him feel left out, and they were bad and not good. Because if everybody had secrets, everybody else would be sad. Like when Yuki kept secrets from Shuuichi, he couldn't sing anymore. And that was bad for the pink-haired man, which meant that secrets were mean and evil.

Yuki's twin must have felt the same way, because he yelled it out really loudly. "SAKUMA RYUUICHI IS HERE?" Ryuu-chan didn't think that was a very big secret, but if it was whispered, then it was bad. He did wish the twin hadn't yelled it so loudly, his ear was on the verge of falling off now.

The black-haired man rushed towards him. His eyes sparkled, hands were clasped together, he was foaming at the mouth... maybe Yuki's twin was a fan?

Ryuuichi smiled. He liked fans. "Konnichiwa, Yuki's twin-san!"

The fan leapt at him and encircled his arms around Ryuuichi's waist. "I'm hugging Sakuma Ryuuichi. I'm hugging a GOD!" This was repeated over and over, in many different tones, though they all sounded somewhat delusional. It was scaring Ryuuichi, he was afraid his entire torso would pop off, and he wasn't sure if that would get fixed. He hoped it would, then his honorable deaths wouldn't have to be deaths either.

He didn't want to test it out right now though. Shuuichi was already scared of Uesugi-san, he didn't need to get scared of this guy either. So there was only one solution. 

Ryuuichi started to bang on his fan's head repeatedly. 

"Sakuma-san! I don't think you need to hurt Tatsuha like that..."

Eh? But if he didn't want Shuuichi to get scared or for his torso to pop off, he did! He closed his eyes and upped the force of his blows.

"Sakuma-san, I didn't know you were into those kinds of things..." his fan mumbled. Ryuuichi had no idea what that meant, but he was sure it wasn't a good thing. He tried to hit him even harder.

But he couldn't feel an impact anymore. He cracked open an eye. The fan was still there, lodged around him. But his gaze had wandered past him. There, lying by Shuuichi's feet, was his arm. Ryuuichi let his gaze trail back to his shoulder. Yes. His arm was, in fact, not there. He was hoping it was somebody else's arm.

His fan had loosened the grip. A good sign. Ryuuichi pulled away and ran towards stepped towards Shuuichi. "Could you hand me that, Shuu-chan?"

His fan was faster than both he and Shuuichi. Before either of them could blink, the arm had been snatched up and was cradles in Yuki's twin's arms. There was a slight look of shock on his face.

"I have Sakuma Ryuuichi's arm... I have Sakuma Ryuuichi's arm... I HAVE HIS ARM!"

The foam at his mouth had doubled, and a strange glint entered his eyes. Ryuuichi realized that this must be a Bad Thing™. "Anou...can I have my arm back?"

The twin gave him a funny look. He had seen it several times on K and Noriko, whenever they didn't understand what he was saying.

"This arm is MINE now. You can't have it!"

They stood there, speechless, as the twin ran off into the building, laughing strangely.

"Anou... Shuuichi... how am I supposed to get my arm back?"

Shuuichi opened his mouth, then closed it again. He looked kind of like a gold fish. It was funny.

The real Yuki came up to them, smoking a cigarette. He didn't look pleased. "Tatsuha probably took the arm to his Sakuma Ryuuichi shrine. You'd think he's never seen you before. He already has ten of your autographs, twenty pictures posing with you, and three of those he's even had made into posters."

Ryuuichi blinked. He didn't remember any of those. Shouldn't he at least remember giving those autographs? Or letting people take a picture with him? He loved posing for pictures...

"Shuuichi, close your mouth, you look like a stupid gold fish." 

Shuuichi pouted, but did as he was told. After several minutes he latched onto Yuki's arm. The big meany motioned for Ryuuichi to follow, and they stepped into the temple.

-tsuzuku-

^_^;; Ryuuichi uses false logic, I know. He's supposed to. I'm not sure if it's easy to figure out what actually happened, in relation to his view of it. ^_^;; and I cut it off here so that I could post it. Plus, cliffhangers are good? ^_^


	5. Chapter 4

I'm really stupid sometimes. -_- I had started writing this chapter... and then I left it with my dad, at his office (wooh, I finally got to see it!). *sighs* Anyways. ^_^ Sankyuu all for your lovely reviews. I love you guys. BTW, feel free to leave me _negative_ reviews as well as positive ones. I want to know how to improve myself, ya know. ^_~

**The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi**

by Eike

Chapter 4

Ryuuichi glared at the imposing hallway in front of him. It was dark, the only form of light being several torches hanging from the walls with large spaces between each other. There was a small glow at the end of the hall, yet it didn't reveal how far away the exit was. There was also a strange dripping noise, accentuated by an occasional growl. It gave an eerie effect -- Ryuuichi wrapped his single arm around Shuuichi, grasping for some form of protection. Shuuichi, who was going paler by the minutes, latched himself onto Yuki, whimpering a bit.

            Yuki rolled his eyes. "I **told** Tatsuha to cut the whole dramatics." He reached out for the wall, most probably to get a hold of reality, and to better lead them to through these dark, treacherous tunnels that could surely only lead to one thing -- a dragon waiting in its lair, ready to eat them at any moment, and to dye Kumagorou an ugly puke green, and...

            The lights went on. Ryuuichi blinked and released the other singer, taking a moment to re-orient himself. Yuki's hand was on a light switch. The "torches" were dimmed lights with an orange covering. That "exit" he had seen... light streaming through a keyhole that was only a couple of feet away.

            "Wow, Yuki! You're so smart!" Shuuichi was gushing. Hmph. Ryuu-chan was smart too! Kumagorou helped him out a bit, but he was sure he could have figured the light trick out.

            The meany wasn't even saying 'thank you' for the compliments! He just sort of growled and stalked off towards the door. If Touma weren't so hopelessy in love with him, Ryuuichi would have whapped him with his single arm. Maybe he should do that. He'd take his arm, when they got it back from "the fan," and he'd whap the meany senseless until he realized that he was a big meany and he'd take back everything he'd said and then everybody would be able to live happily ever after!

            "Sakuma-san, are you coming?" 

            Ryuuichi snapped out of his big, deep, thinking type thoughts, and nodded. He jogged over to Shuuichi, who was waiting for Yuki to open the door. The door was making a weird rattling sound, and cussing a bit... Yuki really was a meany, 'cus Ryuu-chan's door never cussed at him.

            "TATSUHA! Open the door RIGHT NOW or I'm going to tell Mika you were the one who kept calling and then hanging up!"

            Eeeeeh? The fan knew Mika? But, why would he know Touma's wife? Touma kept his wife safe from all the reporters and fans... come to think of it, how did the fan get Touma's number?

            The door slowly creaked open, Yuki's twin coming into view again. "Aniki, you wouldn't really do that, would you? I mean... You know how she is when she's mad. And Seguchi-san is just as bad... I mean, there was a legitimate reason why I was calling her... And..."

            Yuki's twin was pushed aside and the door slammed open. Ryuuichi wasn't sure if he should worry, but decided that those kinds of fans always bounced back. They were really scary. He followed Shuuichi inside the room.

            He immediately took back the thought about scary fans. **This **fan was scary. In fact, Ryuuichi had never been so scared in his entire life. There were posters of him all over the walls. His CDs were on the racks, and "Sleepless Beauty" was currently playing on the huge stereo system. He saw every sort of merchandise with his name on it. The T-shirts of Nittle Grasper were on display. The dolls of him were on display. Most of them still in their cases. What scared him the most though, was that there, in the back, right in the center, was a shrine. With his arm in it. Around it lay little plastic bags, some with strands of green hair in them, others with tissues or glasses... even some pink Kumagorou fuzz.

            "Wow, Tatsuha-san, you have an ... extensive... collection," Shuuichi commented. What did extensive mean? Was it a good or a bad thing? Ryuuichi wasn't sure, but he didn't like the tone of awe that creeped through Shuu-chan's voice.

            Yuki sighed. "Tatsuha has been collecting since he was six. Can you believe that? He even saved up anything that Ryuuichi touched at Mika's wedding reception. He went through the trash to find Ryuuichi's plate. I don't know how he was able to recognize it..."

            What? This guy had been at Touma's wedding and he hadn't even noticed? But, surely Ryuu-chan would have remembered a fan as obsessive as this...

            "Aniki, it wasn't that hard to recognize! I gave Sakuma Ryuuichi a slice of cake with food coloring in it. It smeared over the plate, so I could easily see it!"

            There was a small silence before the fan broke into a nervous laugh. 

            Yuki sighed. "Look, it doesn't matter. I **don't** want to know about it. But I do need Sakuma's arm back, so oyaji can get him back to normal, so I can get Touma off my case. I have a deadline, and going around trying to heal a demented singer isn't helping any."

            Demented? He wasn't demented! Ryuu-chan was just genki, that was all. Stupid, mean evil...

            "ANIKI! DON'T SAY THAT ABOUT SAKUMA RYUUICHI!" The fan looked really mad now. 

Shuuichi's arms wound themselves around Yuki's waist and his face buried into the blonde's stomache. "Yuki, I'm scared! Please please please just tell him to give the arm back and make Sakuma-san normal again..."

Shuuichi was scared? Not because of him, hopefully... Well, Shuu wanted him back to normal, so he would do his best to fulfill that wish!

"Dai-fan-san, could you please return my arm, na no da? I need it if I want to become healthy again, because it's no fun for me if my body parts go flying every time I try to do something, na no da!" Ryuuichi explained. He pointed to his shoulder socket, hoping that would convince his fan. Yuki's twin shook his head.

            "Nuh-uh. This arm is mine now! I get to finally have a piece of Sakuma Ryuuichi, there's no way I'm giving it back!" To prove his point, the fan moved in front of the shrine and spread his arms out protectively.

            Ryuuichi was about to protest, but Yuki cut him off. "Tatsuha, return the arm. NOW. Unless you want Touma breathing down your back."

            Why were they always talking as if Touma was scary? Touma was really nice! Touma smiled a lot, although sometimes he was sad, but he still smiled. But Touma was never angry. Wait, maybe they were afraid of catching Touma's twitch-disease! That was a scary threat for sure, na no da.

            Yuki's twin looked defeated. "Alright, alright..." He ceremoniously took the arm off of the shrine, carefully handing it to Ryuuichi. "Take good care of this, okay? I don't want Sakuma Ryuuichi's arm to get hurt."

            "Anou, dai-fan-san, I **am** Sakuma Ryuuichi! I'll take good care of my arm, na no da!" Ryuuichi clumsily re-attached his arm, opposite of the fan's worshipping method.

            The fan nodded, his eyes going all sparkly. "I know! I'm finally meeting my idol..."

            "Tatsuha, you've met him at least ten times already. When I came back from New York, when you went to Mika's wedding, at Mika's house warming party, that time Touma gave you backstage passes, your birthday last year, when Mika set up a meeting for you, etc. etc."

            Ryuuichi coughed. He didn't remember ANY of those! W-what had happened? He sniffled a bit. Had he caught the twitch disease, and it was making him loose his memory? That wasn't fair! He didn't want to die!

            Tatsuha waved him off. "Sakuma-san, I'm Uesugi Tatsuha! I'm Eiri's brother. It's a real pleasure to meet you. Can we have sex?"

            Shuuichi's head suddenly went up. "Tatsuha-san! You can't say stuff like that!" His face had shaded itself to match his hair. Well, most of his hair. His dark roots were showing. He'd tell Shuuichi later, so that he could fix his hair up again. Hmm. Maybe he should redo his own dye. The green must already be fading...

            Tatsuha glared at Shuuichi, which caused him to receive a glare from Yuki. "I can so say that! The offer stands! I want to have sex with Sakuma Ryuuichi!"

            Ryuuichi pouted. He didn't like sex. It made his other self come out, and he didn't like that meany side of himself. His meany side didn't even take care of Kumagorou. His meany side probably would have glared at his fan. 

            "Tatsuha, shut up. Just go get oyaji so we can fix Sakuma. And then go home." Yuki was like his meany side. But meaner. 'Cus his meany side was only mean sometimes. 

            "Tou-san's out. What do you need him for anyway?"

            Shuuichi sweatdropped and pointed towards Ryuu-chan. "Sakuma-san turned into a zombie, and Seguchi-san said that a priest would have to cure him. And that the only priest we could trust was your father."

            Tatsuha looked thoughtful for a moment. "I think I could do it. 'Tou-san was teaching me." He shrugged. "Let's give a try, okay?"

            Ryuuichi bounced happily. YAY! Kumagorou was going to get his normal colors back!

-tsuzuku-

*Dai-fan-san = Mr. Big Fan. ^_^ It jus' sounds cooler in Japanese.

*Aniki = big brother, col. Guys are more likely to use this than girls.

*oyaji = old man - father. And I checked, Yuki does call his dad that!

Eheheheheh. ^_^ Is okay? Damned comp switching... anyways. Leave reviews, I love you guys, and HAH! Yukari, take that!


	6. Chapter 5

Mou. Sisters are evil. Especially mine. I was going to fix up all my lil mistakes in chapter 3, but she decided not to let me. *sighs* Okay, on with fic. 

Oh, and I do not, in fact, hate Tatsuha. ^_^ I rather like him. But he's a good plot device?

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi 

by Eike

Chapter 5

            Tatsuha had them all gathered in the temple. It was a lot larger than Tatsuha's secret shrine to Sakuma Ryuuichi, so that calmed him somewhat. At least real gods still got the worship they deserved. Or something like that. Touma had once given him a long and involving explanation about religions and gods, but Ryuu-chan had forgotten it five minutes after that. 

            "Sakuma, pay attention. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life with your limbs falling off and smelling like a rotting corpse," Yuki, that meany, growled at him. But he did have a point. Ryuuichi turned to face Tatsuha-san again, fumbling with one of his fingers. It was fun, taking his finger off and then putting it back.

            Tatsuha looked at him strangely, then closed his eyes and went into his serious mode. Ryuuichi hoped that Tatsuha's serious mode wasn't a meany like his own serious mode. He didn't like meanies. Well, he didn't like obsessive fans too much either.

            "There is only one cure that I could find in 'Tou-san's books. Sakuma Ryuuichi has to eat some brains. And have sex with me."

            Crickets chirped. Then a loud slap rang out, followed by a cry of "itee!"

            Yuki glared at his twin. "Will you cut the sex crap? Just forget your raging teenager hormones for **one minute and help us cure this idiot!"**

            Tatsuha huffed. "Don't slap the only person who can help you right now! And who are you to talk about hormones? I know that you and Shuuichi get it on almost every night!"

            Shuuichi was finally looking more like himself. The unnatural paleness had been replaced by a healthy red glow. "Tatsuha-san! How would you know that?"

            That meany gave a smirk. "Yes, how **would you know that, otouto-chan?" **

            Tatsuha rolled his eyes. "Remember that week I stayed with you guys? I couldn't sleep at all what with all the noise you guys were making. And that happened every single night."

            Another silence. Ryuuichi felt they had forgotten about him, but didn't feel that it was safe to bring his problem up. They seemed to be discussing something really important. Not that Kumagorou's colors weren't important. But nobody else realized that his poor Kuma-chan was scarred for life after this encounter.

            "... and it's not like it's a regular occurrence, 'cus Yuki makes me sleep on the couch a lot, but you were there, so he couldn't, 'cus he was afraid you were gonna try something again just 'cus I look like Sakuma-san, but I know you wouldn't, even if you are really ecchi like that!" Shuuichi was waving his arms around wildly, imitating a bird this time. Shuuichi was funny like that. He always imitated strange animals.

            It looked like Yuki was going to yell at Shuuichi. Ryuuichi decided now would be a good time to remind everybody why they were actually here. "Ne, you guys, we need to fix Kumagorou's colors, na no da!"

            Silence, Ryuuichi decided, was a Bad Thing™. It could eat away at you, it could destroy your insides, it could leave you feeling empty and lonely, it could depress you, it could kill you, it could make your feet fall off. That last one having actually happened. 

            Tatsuha scurried over and helped him reapply his foot. Obsessive fans were strange. 

            "It still stands. The only cure we have available at the moment is for Sakuma Ryuuichi to eat somebody's brains and to have sex with me."

            Shuuichi's healthy glow diminished. "I just thought of something... Are you sure you want to have sex with a zombie? 'Cus, all of his body parts go flying in places and..."

            Ryuuichi wasn't sure he understood what Shuuichi was saying. But Yuki must have, because he took a deep breath, like Touma did when he was dealing with younger people.

            "Alright, I don't care what happens to you anymore, Tatsuha. As for brains... just feed him Shuuichi's, he definitely won't miss them."

            "Hey! That's mean, Yuki!"

            Waah, they were getting distracted again! Kumagorou couldn't really wait another moment! He needed the cure now...

            "Wait, remember Kumagorou, na no da!"

            Tatsuha patted him on the back. "Kumagorou will be fine. I'm more worried about **your cure. Where will we possibly find spare brains?"**

            Shuuichi had calmed down, a determined look in his eye. "There's only one solution to that, of course. He needs to eat the brains of a spy from Uranus."

            Ryuuichi wondered if it was a trend nowadays to have long silences. They had been happening far too often now. And they always made some body part of his fall to the floor with an earth-shattering "thunk." Earth-shattering only because it was the single audible noise. Well, and the crickets. And birds. And the water rushing. And the wind. And the wind chimes. Okay, so it wasn't even all that quiet. But it was sort of quiet, in comparison to all the noise the other three made.

            "Shuuichi, there are no spies from Uranus," Tatsuha pointed out. There weren't? Ryuuichi had been sure there were... They contacted him in a dream once.

            Shuuichi was shaking his head vigorously. "Of course there are! That woman that turned Sakuma-san into a zombie must have been a spy from Uranus. No other being could have done something as evil as this."

            Ryuuichi nodded now. "He's right! She was scary, na no da! And she glowed red, na no da. That's unnatural, so she must be from Uranus!"

            Yuki shook his head. "Alright, I don't care. I'm leaving you idiots alone." And he really did stomp from the room then. How could he just up and leave? Didn't he realize that important thing were at stake?

            "Yuki, matte!" Mou. Why was Shuuichi chasing after that meany? 

            ... and why did Shuuichi leave him alone in a room with the fan?

            "Sakuma-san... let's have sex. Now, on the floor. We can desecrate 'tou-san's temple to a lesser god!"

            "Nooooo! I don't want to!"

            But it was too late. Tatsuha had already jumped on top of him, trying desperately to pin the flailing limbs to the floor. No such luck. A foot, a hand, and an arm sprawled out in different directions. Tatsuha stopped moving and looked at the missing limbs.

            "... I think Shuuichi was right. Damn."

            Ryuuichi let out a gasp in relief. He was saved! He knew it was actually useful that his body parts could do that.

            Tatsuha was collecting the different body parts and bringing them back to him. He carefully re-attached everything where it belonged, not messing up even once. Ryuu-chan was impressed. It had taken him several times to get everything back right.

            "Alright, your real cure. We need to find that hag that did this to you and have her undo the spell. There's no way we can legally get our hands on a human brain."

            What was Tatsuha mumbling about? He was supposed to fix Kumagorou's colors! He pouted just a bit. "What about Kumagorou's colors?"

            Tatsuha smiled warmly at him. "We'll get him back to normal, don't worry. If all else fails, we can bleach him, then dye him pink again."

            Ryuuichi nodded. He mentally noted Tatsuha's hand reaching for his ass, and scooted a bit further when the fan's leg came up to his groin. What happened to no sex? 

            "Ne, Tatsuha-san... can you please let go of my foot?"

            The mop of dark hair shook. "I'm touching Sakuma-san's foot... Oh, ryuufan662952 is going to be so jealous when I tell her about this... Hell, the entire fan club is going to be jealous... And I'm going to get beat up, just because I'm touching Sakuma-san's groin..."

            Ryuuichi sweatdropped. Tatsuha was fine earlier, but he was going all ecchi again now! He tried to swat the hand away from his groin, but it steadfastly refused to move. He couldn't put too much pressure into the swats, or else some body part could go flying again...

            "TATSUHA! Stop molesting him and start getting the cure ready!" Yuki's voice echoed through the room. Scary. He couldn't tell where Yuki was standing. What if Yuki had turned into a ghost? Oh no, Shuuichi must be overcome with grief! It must be awful, losing your one true love to something so tragic as the evil-meany-ness disease! Ryuuichi bit back a sob as he thought of his friend's sorrow.

            Oh, wait. Yuki was standing there in the doorway. Tatsuha had gotten up and was now standing next to his twin, whispering something to him. Hmph. Secrets again. Maybe Tatsuha wasn't such a good person after all.

            Shuuichi sat down next to him, giggling nervously. Had Uesugi-san called him bad nasty words? It would be just like Yuki's father to be just as evil and mean as his son.

            "Sakuma-san, can you remember exactly where you met the scary hag?"

            Ryuuichi thought for a bit. Where had that been? "Eto... it was in Tokyo. There were a lot of shops around. And a lot of food in the windows too. Restaurants, maybe. I can't remember the names of the restaurants though. They were next to a big shiny glittery building though! And the pokecenter was close too!"

            "Souka... that sounds like the plastic food district." Shuuichi looked cute when he wrinkled up his nose like that. But then again, most people looked cute like that. He was sure even Yuki looked cute when he did that, and Yuki was a big meany.

            "Does the plastic food district have a cure for Kumagorou?" Ryuuichi asked. He was slowly noticing that nobody seemed to care about Kumagorou's colors. They'd have to be reminded often about it, so that they'd learn to care. Because Kumagorou was a really important person!

            "Of course it does. Let's go. We've wasted too much time as is... " Yuki barked at them before stomping out the doors. Shuuichi had stood up and now offered his hand to Ryuu-chan, who gladly took it and used it to level himself. At least, that's how it was supposed to work. Instead, his arm ripped, sending him falling back to the floor, and Shuuichi holding a very dead arm in his hands. Surprisingly enough, Shuuichi shrieked.

-tsuzuku-

Bah. I don't like this chapter too much. I was dead tired when I wrote it. *shrugs* But it's okay, I think. Not up to par with the last chapter though... ^_^;; Um, other notes. My reviews have been getting less ;_; How am I supposed to catch up to Mirai's 100+ if nobody reviews anymore? I don't care if you've reviewed before! Double, triple, a review for every chapter! You can do it, na no da! 

.... Yes, I obsess. Umm.... ryufan662952 is a chat buddy of Tatsuha's, I think ^_^ Anybody see the specialness of the number I gave them? (Tatsuha would be "Ryuufan", me thinks). *cough* Yes. ^_^ Bai bai, na no da! 


	7. Chapter 6

*grumbles* Stupid sister ended up freezing the comp before I could save. I've had to rewrite the later half twice now.... Yes. *stamps brownie points onto Mai's forehead* You wanted those, right? *cough* And I'm glad you guys like my characterization of Tatsuha and Ryuuichi. ^_^;; 

It's also come to my attention that Yuki actually calls Touma "Seguchi." *shrug* It doesn't seem like an important enough detail to go back and change. I'll just stick with Touma, and make sure not to repeat my mistakes elsewhere. ^_^ 

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi 

by Eike

Chapter 6

The train ride from Kyoto to Tokyo was only semi-eventful - Ryuuichi remembered having to constantly keep moving to keep away from Tatsuha's wandering hands, and that Yuki yelled and him when he and Shuuichi had started singing some of their songs. Oh, and the door slammed down on his finger, causing it to come off. But that wasn't so serious. The little girl had graciously been making a loud noise so he could easily find the body part again.

So here they were now, back in their home city. They had only one problem to solve before they would go and find the cure.

"So, where do I get to stay?"

Ryuuichi quickly shook his head. "My place is full, na no da! I don't have any extra space for visitors!"

Shuuichi looked a tad uncomfortable now. "But we don't really have any guest space either, do we, Yuki?" 

Yuki shrugged. "We have space. But Tatsuha isn't staying with us. Just call Mika up and tell here you're here, I know that she and Touma live in a nice spacious apartment with room to spare."

Tatsuha grumbled at the three of them. "You all have plenty of space, and you won't take me in?"

Ryuuichi smiled apologetically. "You're scary, na no da! I don't want you to do something weird and scare Kumagorou. Kumagorou is already traumatized, because he's no longer a pretty pink color." A mangled sob escaped his lips. "Kumagorou... Kumagorou is going to need to be wheeled to E.R. soon. Ryuu-chan isn't sure how long his friend will live. Without this cure... without this cure, Kumagorou will leave us for good!"

"... Tatsuha, you stay with Sakuma. Maybe you can release some of your hormones while you're there." Ryuuichi stopped sobbing when he heard Yuki's words. It was a cons- ... consp- .... they were all against him, na no da! If Tatsuha stayed with him, then he'd end up changing for sure! He didn't want to, he didn't want to, he didn't want to!

Tatsuha smirked. "I bet you're shoving me off on Sakuma-sama just so you and Shuuichi can sleep around some more. I'll be glad to accept the offer though." Dai-fan-san turned and leered at him. Not good, not good! 

"Tatsuha-san, maybe you should reconsider... I mean, at least wait until AFTER we've cured Sakuma-san! Or else you'd be having sex with a dead body!" Nani? Who was dead? Ryuuichi looked around. He didn't see any dead people. He didn't see anything dead, actually. What was Shuuichi talking about?

Before anything else could be said, Yuki was dragging Shuuichi down the streets towards their apartment. That left Ryuuichi, alone, on the street, with only Kumagorou in his backpack and Tatsuha next to him. Ryuuichi quickly scooted several feet away before the youth could  try something.

A resigned sigh followed. "Follow me, na no da. I guess you'll have to stay at my place."

Ryuuichi pretended not to have heard the quiet "yes!" that Tatsuha emitted, but he did swat the hand away that strayed just a little to close to his ass. He cringed as he noticed his own mentality getting just a bit sharper, clearer - he didn't think he'd be able to ward his other side off now. He started walking, hoping that maybe, just maybe, he'd distract himself enough... the other side never came out unless there was a definite reason.

He noticed Tatsuha mumbling quietly to himself, "I'm going to Sakuma Ryuuichi's apartment, I'm going to sleep in the same place as Sakuma Ryuuichi, I get to..."

 Sakuma slowly unlocked the door to his apartment, not sure if he knew what he was getting himself into. While a bit amusing, Tatsuha was not the kind of person he wanted to regularly hang out with. Not even Ryuu-chan could handle Tatsuha, so there was little chance that this obsessive boy wouldn't grate on his nerves.

"I'm in Sakuma Ryuuichi's apartment... somebody kill me now, I must be dreaming..."

Sakuma rolled his eyes. There was no way he would survive this night. He shoved Tatsuha towards the living room.

"The couch is there, sleep well," he told the boy, already on his way towards his bedroom. A tug on his arm stopped him. The tug didn't stop, and ended up pulling his arm out. Sakuma stifled a groan. He desperately needed to cure himself... and he should probably also somehow wash Kumagorou, if he wanted his other side to finally calm down.

"Sakuma-san... can I... um... sleep with you?" came the shy request. Shy as in pawing his body, unzipping his pants, and drooling over him.

"No. Even if you don't mind having sex with various dislodged body parts, I prefer to be completely intact! Besides, you're only sixteen."

The wandering hands stopped and fell back to their owner's sides. "I guess you're right. Necrophilia isn't really my thing." Tatsuha looked down at his feet. Sakuma felt almost sorry for the boy... until he lifted his head again, bright smile plastered onto his face and said "but if it's you, I'll be more than happy to make an exception!"

Sakuma didn't deem it worthy of an answer. He stomped off into his room and locked the door. 

And suddenly remembered that his arm was still lying on the hall floor. 

He briefly shuddered as his mind supplied him with images of what Tatsuha might do with it. But he didn't want to go out there again. Even if he wasn't able to change his clothes like this...

He finally decided that he would just sleep in his current clothes, creep out in the morning and grab his arm then. He snuggled into bed and pulled one of his other Kumagorous closer to him with his single arm.

Ryuuichi glanced around the corner. No sign of HIM. But no sign of IT either. Hmmm... he snuck into the hall, pressing his body close to the walls. It was harder to stay balanced without two hands, but he managed. He slowly peeked into the living room. The deep, even breathing coming from its occupant told him that the boy was still asleep. That was good. Tatsuha looked rather cute asleep, actually. He crept closer to examine the youth.

Aww, how cuuuuuuute. Tatsuha was snuggled up against his dead arm. Why, everything was twisted out of their joints, showing how abused they had been during the night. Ryuuichi was suddenly very very glad he had decided not to go out again yesterday.

But he did need his arm back. He'd never be able to change his clothes otherwise. And his chances of getting anything done with only one hand would be very limited. He didn't think he'd be able to sing like that either... 

So Ryuuichi carefully, very carefully, reached out to grab his arm. Tatsuha rolled over, causing a sickening "pop" sound to come from the limb. Ryuuichi winced. He hoped nothing was broken... he ran to the other side of the couch and tried to reach his arm from there. No such luck. Tatsuha twisted again, whapping Ryuuichi on the face with the arm before settling into another position. 

Ryuuichi managed to grab a hold of one of his fingers... he slowly pulled, inching his arm away from his obsessive fan...

The finger broke off. He had to bite down a curse, for fear of waking Tatsuha. He stuff the finger in his pocket and tried to reach his arm again.

Several attempts later Ryuuichi had managed to regain his hand and his fingers. The only thing missing now was his arm. He leaned forward and grabbed a hold of it. It took him a moment to realize that he had stupidly overbalanced himself, and was now falling straight onto the teenager. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for the impact.

He landed with a soft thud on Tatsuha. Said person gasped as the breath flew out of him, coming instantly awake.

"S-Sakuma-san! If you wanted to cuddle or something, you should have said so!"

Ryuuichi sweatdropped. "I just want my arm back! It's not fair!"

He could have sworn that Tatsuha laughed evilly, but it was over so quickly and seemed so uncharacteristic of the boy... oh, who was he kidding? He completely expected Tatsuha to break out in evil laughter.

Tatsuha smiled at him though. "I'm sorry, Sakuma-san. Here, let me help you..."

It wasn't that Ryuuichi didn't appreciate the help. But it was hard to sit still and let his arm be re-attached while the boy attempted to play footsies with him. It took a while, but they manage to put everything back where it belonged. And Ryuuichi made a mental note to stay as far away from Tatsuha as humanly possible.

-tsuzuku-

Waaah. So short. -_- I'm sorry. But this chapter was so incredibly hard to write. Stupid Sakuma wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote him in. THEN I couldn't get his characteristics like I wanted them. He ended up sounding more like Yuki than Sakuma. *sighs* Plus, I have this completely awesome Saiyuki idea I desperately want written... I guess I should go do that myself -_-. 


	8. Chapter 7

Way overdue, this thing is. But half of it got eaten the last time I typed it up, so....

I've made a reference to a fic in here, see if you can find it. ^_^ *waves to author* 

Oh, and let's remember that Eike-chan has not once been to Japan. Yet. *is going in the summer*

****

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi

by Eike

Chapter 7

In keeping with his mental note earlier, Ryuuichi kept as far away from Tatsuha as possible. He had both Shuuichi and Yuki between himself and the teen, but even that didn't seem to be a large enough distance. He could feel the sex vibes rolling off the fan, hitting him full force and making some body part or other drop from his body. That resulted in stops every three minutes, making Shuuichi's lover even more irritated. For some reason, Ryuu-chan was under the impression that Yuki didn't like him.

This whole ordeal was making their trek through Tokyo near impossible. They couldn't take public transportation, and Yuki's car stopped being useful once they got to the Plastic Food District. Well, that's what Ryuuichi and Shuuichi called it, but he could have sworn that he heard Yuki mumble some other place name. Either that or he was talking to himself. That one made more sense. Yuki had to be a crazy type person, for him to be so mean to cute people such as Ryuu-chan and Shuu-chan.

"Sakuma-san, do you remember what this hag looked like?" Shuuichi asked. They had already been searching for nearly two hours. If you counted up those regular stops, that would mean... they had managed to travel exactly two blocks. Or had it been three? Ryuuichi looked at his fingers and started counting off. They had walked past that scary looking fortune teller on the first block, the second block had the ugly mystic, the third one was the deformed Satanist... yeah, they were on the fourth block now.

Ryuuichi shook his head. "I only remember the big blue aura, na no da! It was soooo scary, na no da! And then the sticker she slapped on me dissolved into little itty bitty pieces, na no da. Oh, I think she had one of those glass snow landscape thingies, na no da."

Yuki scowled. "This scary old hag... She had a crystal ball?" 

Ryuuichi thought for a bit, then shook his head. "It had little sparkles in it! Like that one!" He pointed to a scary old hag with a glowy glass ball in her hands.

Shuuichi, Yuki, and Tatsuha stared. The old woman walked past them, unaware or uncaring of the eyes on her. 

"Was that..." Shuuichi started.

"... a scary old hag?" Tatsuha finished for him.

"Yes," came Yuki's reply.

Ryuuichi didn't quite understand what happened next. All three of his companions started running after that old woman, shouting at her to stop. The hag turned, saw them running, and took off herself with speeds that could make any sprinter jealous. It was amazing how fast that old hag could run. Ryuuichi started cheering for her, glad to see that even in old age she was such an active person. 

"Ganbare yo, Scary Old Hag-san! You can do it, na no da!" He jumped up and down, performing complex cheer-leading maneuvers. Forget the fact that it caused his body parts to go flying, it was extremely fun. And he had a darned good reason to be cheering - it wasn't every day that you saw an old woman outrun three young men in an obstacle course as complex as this one. People, trees, trashcans, animals, cars... everything got in the way, hindering their progress so much that they were constantly tripping. 

The old hag had run across the street now, looking back and laughing at her followers. Tatsuha was currently the one closest to catching her, gaining ever so slowly. Shuuichi and Yuki had to stop and wait for a truck to pass. 

They'd never catch up to her at that rate! Thankfully, Tatsuha didn't let stupid things like a toddler stop him from chasing that hag. No, he ran right over that kid! Good ol' Tatsuha!

On the other hand, that hag had quite the advantage on the three young men. She was zooming past everything, literally just a blur, and her figure was only visible if you had eyes and could follow her15mph dash. There was really only one thing to do in a situation like this.

"GANBATTE, SCARY OLD HAG! Kumagorou and I are cheering for you!"

Ryuuichi completely missed seeing Shuuichi stumble over something and nearly get hit by a passing car; he was far too preoccupied watching the hag outrun Tatsuha. She could make it, she really could! He had faith in her! If they were lucky, she could make the Olympics, and they would show up on national television as the people who helped get her there, the ones who supported her through it all. And that dog that was biting her now and dragging her down, yeah, that dog would be the enemy, and everybody would come to hate the dog as they hated their own arch nemesis, they would hate it like they hated unfinished fics, they would hate it like they hated every other form of hate-demanding stuff.

Oh no! The dog had caused the scary old hag to fall into a manhole! How DARE it! It really was everybody's arch-nemesis! It was probably the reason that Kumagorou was now a dirty brown. Oh, Ryuu-chan just hated dogs.

He booed when he saw Shuuichi, Yuki, and Tatsuha circle around the hag. How could they do this to her? Surely just because she lost the race she didn't deserve DEATH! DEATH! Death was such a permanent thing, and once she was dead and in hell (that WAS the one above him, right?) he would never see her again. The only thing he would have left would be his memories.

The plus side to that would be that he could have his own dramatic life story on TV. Well, not that he hadn't given his life story several times... In one version, Kumagorou raised him from birth. There was another one where Touma was his secret lover who gave him the candies that kept him alive. Oh, and in one, he was an orphan who lived in a secret place and he could fly and Noriko was the girl he saved from eternal damnation as the slave of maturity, and Touma was the evil evil man who tried to put their feet back on the ground.

So now he was ready to cry for that poor, poor old hag who had done nothing wrong but live.

"Sakuma-san, can you come over here? We can't do this without you..." Shuuichi asked him quietly. Ryuuichi sniffled. How... how could they ask him to help in the destruction of a hag? He wasn't that kind of person!

"NO! I refuse! Killing is wrong and evil and we should kill all those who support the death penalty!"

He was met with stares. Kumagorou, in his backpack, wisely told him to shut up now and just go see what they wanted. Because Kumagorou was so much smarter than he was, he did as he was told.

The amazing, talented, graceful, and very much dead vocalist crouched down to get a better look at the hag in her man-hole trap. She really was an ugly one. Of all the hags he had seen, she was probably the ugliest. Not that he knew that many hags, but still.

Tatsuha pulled the hag out of her trap, but made sure to keep a firm grip on her arm. He really did have strange tastes. A necrophiliac and an old-hag-philiac. It made Ryuuichi shudder. What next, clownphilia? Masochism? Oh the horrors, not a nature-freak-sex-philiac!

"Alright, obaa-san, I need you to fix Ryuuichi here," Tatsuha explained. Ryuuichi would have cheered, but he didn't want another body part to land in inopportune places, like up somebody's nose. Although, he remembered seeing a show where they put rubber hoses up their noses...

The hag sighed. "I suppose I could do it. I haven't done in a long time, mind you. Fix somebody, I mean. But my mad skillz must really be well known." She pulled out a knife and a rubber band. "I'll need two of you boys to hold him down, they tend to squirm a lot..."

Ryuuichi felt a sudden wave of fear wash over him. He wasn't sure WHAT they were talking about, but it didn't sound nice!

Thankfully, Shuuichi seemed to agree. "NO! That's not what we meant! Turn Ryuuichi into a non-zombie!"

The hag huffed a bit. "What makes you think I could do that?"

At this point Yuki stepped forward. "How does an autographed version of the currently unreleased Yuki Eiri novel sound to you?"

And time stood still for a second. Ryuuichi could swear that he hadn't seen the hag move - only three seconds later she had reappeared at Yuki's side, hearts all over her eyes, love bubbles floating in the air and making a general fool of herself. She got minus ten points for over-dramaticising. Not to mention she was being mean to Shuuichi and trying to pry him away from Yuki. Ouch, poor Shuuichi's limbs would be really sore the next day.

"I'll do it, I'll do it! You just need to get the ingredients..."

.... "Ingredients?"

-tsuzuku-

BAh, just so you have something. ^_^;; Next chapter, I'll have a cameo, methinks. I've seen what real zombies are like, MAN they are scary.

And I'm sorry there's not so much zombie-Ryuu as there is Ryuu-being-stupid. *sigh* His body parts get boring after a while though. 


	9. Chapter 8

Geeh. This took forever, I know. But, look at it this way: Now that I've been in Japan, I can safely say that I know *nothing* about the lay of Tokyo ^_^

But it should be just a tad more accurate. ;_; And did you know there are no street names in Japan? Makes it hell to get anywhere.

****

The Adventures of Sakuma Ryuuichi

by Eike

Chapter 8

Ryuuichi looked at the list Shuuichi was holding. They didn't let him hold it, in case his hand fell off and the paper flew away.

But either way, the ingredients...

"Where are we going to find 'ice cream of the future'?" He asked. It sounded yummy, whatever it was.

"That's not the hardest part. What is an Eigorian?"

Shuuichi flipped the paper around several times, trying to make sense of it. 

Tatsuha and Yuki came out of the grocery store then, carrying two small bags. There was another twitch building in Yuki's eye (that made how many now? 23?), although Ryuuichi couldn't imagine why. Tatsuha was looking pretty healthy, a bright smile and nice, bright, shiny teeth in his face. Man, they must be a really wealthy family, even Touma couldn't afford braces. It was said that Koyasu Takehito himself was afraid that braces would drive him into bankruptcy. So how did Tatsuha afford them? What with all the money he threw away on Nittle Grasper merchandise, he could hardly pay for them himself...

"Ok! We got the grape jelly, the strawberry yogurt, and the 20 cans of Colombian coffee. But we'll need to go to a specialty store if we want Muenster Cheese."

The two brothers set the bags down while Shuuichi put a check next to the item names.

"You should have seen the cashier... first, she thought I was Aniki. Then she thought we were twins. Then she asked Aniki for his autograph. And she wouldn't stop making comments about what we were buying." Tatsuha laughed a bit, although the glare he was getting from Yuki shut him up quickly. Ryuuichi decided that the best tactic would be to ignore him, especially since the summer humidity was making his limbs fall off all that much faster. 

Speaking of the heat, he started noticing the awful stench he was giving off. Even Kumagorou, in his dirty brown state, didn't want to get close to him anymore.

"Yuki, remember when we went to Odaiba? They have this ice cream there." Shuuichi looked pensive for a moment. Ryuuichi wondered what the word "pensive" meant, and why he had used it. Then he tried to remember when he had gone on a date with Shuuichi and Yuki to Odaiba, but it seemed to have been wiped from his memory banks. He briefly wondered what idiot had gone messing with his memory chips again. He hated it when that happened! It made everybody think he was an idjot!

"Who you call idjot? I not idjot!" He yelled at the top of his lungs.

That got him brief stares from his companions before they went back to discussing their next plan of attack.

Ryuu-chan THEN decided that the heat must be making his brain fall apart. Maybe he didn't even HAVE a brain anymore! Zombies were always eating people's brains, it was probably because they didn't have any of their own. Oh no, he was gonna turn into a brain-eater! Waaaah!!!

"Still doesn't explain where to find a zombie slayer's hair. Or what about the soul of music? And how much foil is 'enough foil to wrap a man in'?" Tatsuha leaned over Shuichi's shoulder and OMG where was his hand going?! Yuki noticed it too, because there was a loud slap type sound (as opposed to a ring, clang, or thud) and Tatsuha was sporting a bright red mark on his cheek.

"Aniki! What was that for?"

Ryuuichi started to wave his arms around. "You big pervert! You were gonna--"

He needed to learn to just stop moving. His arm fell to the floor with a clang. Or was that a slap? He wasn't sure. It didn't sound like a sploosh, but it might have been that. Either way, his arm was on the floor, and the flies immediately started buzzing around. Damned humidity.

"Can somebody get that for me?" He hated flies. They were uncute bugs and made icky "wanwan" sounds.

Shuuichi and Yuki stared blankly at him. He wished they would at least PRETEND to help him.

Not that they would have been able to beat the Tatsuha whirlwind that picked up his arm before he even finished his sentence. The dong he heard was Tatsuha running past him. A klirr and a bang later, and the fan was re-attaching the arm à la Cinderella.

"...Right. Anyway. We also need an ID's blood. 'Best kind of ID: crusader turned maniac.' What the..." Shuuichi trailed off when he saw Tatsuha. The boy was still kneeling in front of Ryuu-chan, eyes shimmering, a loud FANFANFAN in the air.

"The arm fits! You are truly the princess from the ball! Quick, let us be wed and live happily ever after!" He tugged on Ryuuichi's arm to pull him down to the same level. Instead, the recently re-attached arm came off with a "ping."

Ryuuichi wanted to sob. "Can you stop doing that?"

Nobody listened, of course. Shuuichi and Yuki were muttering something about Hamtaro fans, and Tatsuha was cuddling his arm as the flies barked around. 

Actually, there was one advantage to his various body parts being able to fly off-- he didn't feel as hot and sweaty as the other three looked. Although, he seemed to be seeing things... Ryuuichi rubbed his eyes. No, Yuki and Shuuichi really WERE kissing and groping each other... and Tatsuha really was licking that arm... He rubbed his eyes again. This time, they were all back in their regular positions.

Something told him that he just didn't want to know.

"Oy, Tatsuha! Do you know where we can get a voodoo doll?" Yuki asked his brother, sounding extremely irritated. But he hardly sounded anything else. Ryuu-chan couldn't remember once hearing the meany sound happy. Although there was that one time when he was going to visit Shuu-chan but the strange noises from inside the apartment stopped him, and he could have sworn that Yuki-san sounded kind of happy then. There was also heavy breathing, so maybe he was just sick or something.

"I guess you can have mine. It hasn't done me any good.," Tatsuha mutter. He caressed the arm lightly, then sighed and started sucking on the thumb. Ryuuichi quickly turned away. Maybe he didn't want the arm back after all.

"SHE'S INSANE!"

All three of them turned to look at Shuuichi. "What's the matter?"

"This hag wants model Kyou's autograph. Do you know how impossible that is? My sister begged me to get her one last year, and his stupid manager wouldn't let me even near him!"

"......."

Yuki sighed in disgust. "Great. Just GREAT." Another sigh. "I'll ask Touma about it though. He has connections."

There was another one of those empty silences, but less unpleasant this time, because instead of a "jiiiiiiiiin" sound, it sounded more like "sileeeeeeence."

Yuki was the first to make a move. He picked up his bag and headed towards the car door. Shuuichi quickly followed. Ryuuichi wondered what he should do, but when even Tatsuha ran after them, he really had little choice. 

.... He kind of wished he could get his arm back though.

-tsuzuku-

Yosh! ^_^ And I swear, Japan is REALLY hot and humid during the summer. Gave me a frigging heat stroke. Also, I put in a lot of lil cameos and stuff. But I know nobody will get the model Kyou reference: in the manga "Yorozuya Toukaidou Honpo" by Ryou Saenagi, there is an extremely famous model named Kyou. ^_^ (Real name: Suruga Kaori. Despite his girly name, Kaori is a guy ^_^). I wuv Kyou to lil bits. ^_^  
http://cf.geocities.com/omikudou/yorozuya.html -- go there for translations and some images. 

And yes, I meant to make the sound effects wrong. Note: "jiiiin" is the sound silence makes in manga. I swear! And dogs go "wan wan" instead of "woof woof."

Eigorian : In Japan, there's a popular "learn English" program called "Eigorian." ^_^ It annoyed the heck out of me. Eigorians themselves are these funky mushrooms. http://www.nhk.or.jp/eigorian/ For more info. If you can read Japanese. ._.

Hamtaro: I think it's already been released here in the US, but in any case... it's an adorable little anime hamster. ^_^ And when we went to Tokyo, there was a Hamtaro presentation in front of one the stores and we got Hamtaro fans! The kind you wave for air.

Idjot: No, that's not a misspelling. Has anybody played IceWind Dale with a low-intelligence character? 

Anything else: Come on, just take a guess. And some are references to fics.


End file.
